Want a Laugh? Read THIS Book
If I had to single out a Beatles author who exudes the bizarre sense of humor of John Lennon coupled with the dry wit of George Harrison, the cleverness of Paul McCartney and the never-may care attitude of Ringo Starr, I would point directly at Jeff Walker, and well, I’d just have to laugh.
Walker, author of such Beatle books as “Sex and The Beatles” (banned from The Fest) or “Let’s Put The Beatles Back Together Again” (a packaging of their solo titles as to what might have been had the band never broken up), has put out a new Beatle offering that’s” the perfect summer read”.
“Well I just had to laugh, 1,234 things The Beatles said or did (or had happen to them)” is Jeff’s newest collection of laughable observations that have been notated over The Beatles time on earth. Culled from interviews, press conferences, ad-lib and official statements, including things overheard in the studio, in this book, you might find a random Ringo-ism or a sharply chiselled Lennon barb, either way, you’ll just have to laugh.
Beatle Brunch Host
Here are some fun examples and where to find them in the book, available at Amazon.com
Travel to a must See Notre Dame Cathedral
62) At the end of his final term at Quarry Bank High, John managed to flunk even the art exam. Only when asked to produce a sketch with the theme of ‘travel’ did John rise to the occasion¬. Naturally he drew a hunchback covered in warts. (P. 109 PN)
Foreshadowing the Apple Boutique’s Final Day
180) How did mother Elsie handle the Ringo fans that flocked to her door? “They’d ask for his old socks, or shoes. I’d give them some till there was none left.” (P. 77 Ringo)
Pre-America Beatles Banter
234) A British interviewer suggests that the Beatles’ new collarless jackets are perhaps starting a trend amongst their young male fans.
John: “I’ve seen an old man in one, as well.”
Ringo: “I’ve seen an old woman.”
John: “I saw four old men. Top that!”
Ringo: “I give in.”
Interviewer: What will you be doing here in the U.K. after the American tour?
George: “Well, you see, we’re making a film—which we don’t know the title of—but it should be a film about us.”
Paul: “We don’t know the script, and we don’t know what the songs will be.”
George: “It should be released in the States by the end of the year.”
John: “With no title and no songs!”
Paul “And no script.”
John: “Top that!” (www.Kulichki.com/beatles/intervju)
John Experiments with Double-Tracking his Vocal at Press Conference
270) Sometimes one gets the impression that John is unimpressed by reporters’ questions. At the Beatles Washington D.C. press conference John is asked if he and his mates squabble with each other?
John: “Only in the morning.”
Press: Interesting, and did your hair-dos look different when you first met?
John: “Only in the morning.” (P. 137 Winn I)
The 18,000-Foot Version Left no Room for Passengers
494) So as to carry on with the Beatles’ U.S. tour, an even older plane replaces the flamed-out chartered prop. A rather dubious George Harrison is inspecting the interior when he happens upon a dust-covered coil of rope on a rack.
“What’s that?” George asks the stewardess. “An escape ladder”, she explains. “And how long is it? Twelve feet?” Ah, says George, rapidly doing the mental math, “I take it we shall fly to California at a steady thirteen feet all the way then.” (P. 2 BH-G)
In Bed with the Beatles, Visiting
509) Actor Victor Spinetti comes down with the flu in Salzburg, Austria while filming scenes for Help! Paul knocks on his hotel room door, peeks in and asks if it’s contagious. Uh-huh, replies Victor and Paul disappears. Soon George walks in, announcing, “I’ve come to plump up your pillows because whenever you’re ill, people come to plump your pillows.” John is next to drop by. Tastefully and in his best German accent, he announces, “You are in zee state of Austria. You are going to be experimented on by zee doctors and your skin vill be made into lampshades. Heil Hitler!” Last to visit is Ringo. He sits on the side of Victor’s bed seemingly engrossed in the room service menu. Then he reads aloud, “Once upon a time there were three bears: Mummy Bear, Daddy Bear and Baby Bear…” (P. 119 Stark)
No Wonder. Those were Mainly-John Songs
598) Interviewer: “Time magazine referred to ‘Day Tripper’ as being about a prostitute, and ‘Norwegian Wood’ as about a Lesbian. What was your intent in writing those songs?”
Paul: “We were just trying to write songs about prostitutes and Lesbians.” (P. 174 RRodRevol)
Meditating with Maharishi so in, it’s like the Innie
694) Cigarettes are verboten at the Maharishi’s compound in Rishikesh. So when Paul catches sight of the giggling guru approaching with his retinue, he stage-whispers to Donovan and some others, “Quick lads, fags out. Here comes teach!” (P. 424 BM)
Cop Pops Question
987) One late night in late 1973, L.A. police arrive at the borrowed apartment of record producer Lou Adler to intervene in a drunken mêlée involving John Lennon and guitarist Jesse Ed Davis. Around them everything is smashed. Everything. Much of it to smithereens. John’s handiwork, alas. Davis has orange juice dripping down his face, blood oozing from an ashtray cut on his scalp and a canister of film wrapped around his forehead by way of a bandage. John’s handiwork as well.
Nonetheless, the young native-Indian officer, who is a guitar aficionado and knows of Jesse Ed Davis, is impressed. Fellow native-Indian Davis is in distinguished company. But then the senior officer turns to John and grills him mercilessly: “So, do you think the Beatles will ever get together again?” “You never know,” John responds in a daze. “You never know.” (P. 125 AGJ) (P. 577 AG)
She’s got the Course Credit. Why would we believe your version?
1,225) Paul: ‘“I was on a holiday once, and there was this little girl on the beach, a little American kid. She says, “Hi there. I’ve just been doing a Beatles appreciation class in school.” I said, “Wow, that’s great. I think, ‘I know what’ll be really cool here; I’ll tell her a little inside story’. So I go on about how something happened, and it was a fun story. And she looks at me, and she says, “That’s not true. We covered that in Beatles appreciation class.”’ (Rolling Stone magazine, July 17, 2014)
Well I just had to laugh, 1,234 funny things The Beatles said or did” is published by Something Now Publications in Toronto. Click the banner @ brunchradio.com or order your copy directly online here